Module 2
Collage
This module continues the objective of exploring self-narrative, this time by developing a collage “to create a disrupted reality.” We could take existing classical paintings to create this collage, or we could compile our own works instead. As the contents of the Empty Your Head exercise ended up being deeply personal, I decided to draw from that exercise when developing my collage. My initial intention was to explore the psychological mechanics of dealing with eating disorders and body dysmorphia, I found myself stumbling into extremely yonic imagery. After comments on this by peers, I decided to change my focus and lean into this, approaching the work with a queer reading of sex, gender and perception.
As seen in the initial draft, there were teeth running down the length of the split, reflecting the volatile relationship between the subject figure and consumption. However, when I leaned into the yonic nature of the work, that element felt both incongruous and disrespectful. While the work presents a number of perspectives and messages, the painting somewhat presents as an apology to those possessing vaginas, as I used to be the kind of gay man who regarded them with outward disgust. As I’ve grown, both out of the identifier of man and out of the aforementioned opinion, I’ve come to realise how defensively small-minded that perspective was. While I have not developed any attraction to that organ, I have come to realise that something can be beautiful, and yet a complete mystery to me. There is nothing in this world that requires my permission to be beautiful.
Beyond what I mentioned, it also serves as a comment on the isolation and distress of gender-diverse people in response to the genital fixation of others when it comes to what a person may identify as. Whether it is a transgender person encountering the typical enquiries as to whether or not they have “had the surgery”, the dysphoria of inhabiting a body incongruent with your identity, or the categorical confinement for non-binary people who don’t observe their sex interacting with their gender.
I have employed both nautical and celestial imagery (with implied wetness, tentacles, stars and nebulas) as a sort of homage to cosmic horror and the works of H.P. Lovecraft, continuing my intertextual use of popular culture. This serves to emphasise the theme of otherness, as well as implying the presence of something almost unknowable. I embraced the surreal possibility of a collage, disrupting forms and the composition of foreground, mid and background, using physical features as the dividing boundaries. While I decided to remove the violent imagery of the teeth (an almost Vagina Dentata allegory), I did still intend for there to be a somewhat threatening atmosphere. This is because I believe that something being beautiful does not preclude it from being confronting.
